Personal Strife: Barbies

It has come to my recent attention that Barbie took Ken back. I know this might be old news I heard that they were talking about giving it a second go in early February and you know everyone just needs NEEDS to be boning someone on Valentines Day. Even if they are intimidated by successful women.

Seriously Barbie doesn't need that. She water skis, she's a doctor, a vet, a big sister, a firefighter, a Canadian Mountie, an astronaut, she has all these brunette friends to make her feel good about herself. She even has her own mansion which I don't really get how she can afford because student loans for vet school aren't cheap which really makes me think I should ad drug smuggler to her list of occupations. What has Ken done? He's been a pizza delivery guy, a "Campus Hero" whatever THAT means, a tennis player and like all guys was lead singer in a band.

Come on Barbie, you're supposed to be leading girls (and women slightly halted in adolescence) into a new era! Teach us that it's not ok to buy our own birthday present and his concert ticket because he's spent all the money he made working at a sandwich shop over summer on beer and weed. Teach us that we should strive for great self-gratifying careers and expect our partners to do the same. I understand that a girl needs to get some but that doesn't mean you should be spending the night in your 27 year old boyfriends bed which is RIGHT ACROSS from his mom's bedroom. And Barbie, aren't you tired of being like, expected to give oral but never ever getting it in return?

Barbie, you're hot! You could get someone who actually appreciates you and who realizes that their band thing is never going to really work out. The other day I saw Woody helping a kid and his grandma cross the street. Now THAT'S a real man and AND he's a successful actor and he's in touch with his southern/western gentlemanly roots. And with a name like Woody you should really try and get his number.

Oh Barbie, Twist n' Turn, twist n' turn.